I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
