I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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