it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
