i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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