please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
