Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
