she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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