I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
