just tell him i said nine months
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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