Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
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