dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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