I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
