Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
