i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
