You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
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It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
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I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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