I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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