Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
