I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
