could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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