I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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