What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
