yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
