Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
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Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
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I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize