I feel like I'm in dance class right now
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
