It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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