apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
