So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
