The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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