can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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