if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
