its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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