Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
we're so committed to being not committed
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
