Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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