Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
