Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
