I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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