At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
