I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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