Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
