will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
