she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
