Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
