spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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