Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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