I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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