I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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