I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
