kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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