In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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