I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.