Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so let's talk penis.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"