Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...