Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave