Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.