Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
