I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
