i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
