Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
