All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
