i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
