Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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