the condom got lost in my hair
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
