seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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